Winter: Finale (There Really Is No End in Sight)

Writing songs or poems before the cold actually gets here
I guess this is my way of coping when things get tough
You might ask me if I'd be willing to go through it all again
My answer is yes and winter for us will never really end
Graceful or graceless I'll keep trying to make a smile appear like magic on your face
Silly words or silly actions I'll trip over myself trying so hard but I know you'll pick me up
Late night adventures or jokes aside in quiet, this is where I want to be
I hope that the cold actually sticks around, that way you can steal my heat
There's so much I want to say but my tongue is tied and I'll whisper
Shy guy till the end, so I'll hope my written tries make sense despite my jumbled mind in wait
Not sure where my fate leads or what my future holds but to hell with it
I want to say in now forever, where I will find you each and every time
Gut feeling and sure of absolutely everything, you won't find me laying awake
Definitely choosing you over the rest time and time again
While I existed in existential crisis, you fell into my lap
Not some sort of sappy attempt to win your heart
But I want you to love me for me, not some sort of creation
Let this pledge be a promise in your heart, in your eyes:

I know this winter will end and I will see you on the other side
but I will keep you close to me to make sure, as winter becomes spring.

Winter Part 4

Winter: Daybreak

The new lights to know why you shout out your love in full
Bright nights, what you want, I will sing and claim my hope

Oh, lover, what it is to wake beside loving eyes full and alive
Your touch, your love more than ever

Oh, lover, oh, lover, you are the newest snow on winter's eve
Smile and nip at my chapped lips, pull and tug at my sleeve
With your strength

Oh, lover, I will see the daybreak by your side

Winter: Lights

One more for the chilly nights that make us dress warm
When the sun sets and the cold comes in we will light up the dark

Strolls in winter, time by this frozen pond
An amount of joy in drunken stupor

I would love to live this moment on repeat
Jingle bells and carols to mark the occasion

A kiss in the dark with the glow of distant lights
I will stand this cold for another moment
I will every time

Winter Part 3

Winter: First Fall

The light shines down on the first fall
The imprint to you left all along the way
A memory burned in ice
Shows the way you've wavered
But you found your way back

To her arms, to her strength
That first feeling of energy
To and from better days
That second wind of confidence
To warmth from cold
That fear will lessen with her love

Hard to know it's time
We want to know what's better
A moment where we won't question
If the snow will ever start to fall
Or continue on forever

Winter: Warmth

This is a song for winter
To keep a status quo between us
A place of neutrality to stand
Keep the peace and make calls
On whether we will see it to the end

There's no fallen snow to see
No time left to call it out
A winter's bark but no bite
When I told you I loved you
You smiled and returned it to me
We will survive this cold
Your hand in mine every night

Winter Part 2

Winter: Reminiscence

On occasion I let those thought flow by
Those that  tell me I'll never see you again
Despite my strength, despite my heart
I feel that need to lay and die

Moments where I know my time with you
A blimp in comparison to years learned
I just want that to be us, maybe more
Than a couple months time in memory

All the things, all the thoughts, all the memories
I want to be your nostalgia that you look back
And smile, thinking of me in better light
But I don't want to be lost in your heart

Hold onto the thought that I am what you want
A man jaded, but still standing after it all
Wanting nothing more than to be by your side
A love that is new and scary but worth the effort

In the end I hope you find what makes you happy
I want you to smile even if it's not because of me
That when you cry that they would be wiped away
A beautiful soul that should never feel this hurt

Winter: Nights

My mind is my worst enemy in this scenario
Late nights laying awake with fear I won't see you again
My words like echoes in the halls of where we wandered
Struggling with self doubt and uncertainty, I'm scared tonight

I wish for a chance to show you what I'm worth
However little I am still wanting you to remember
Better days will with smiles, nights with whispers
My heart poured out into winter's cold

Shield me from your hurt so it won't spread
I'm waiting on your words to know I haven't left your thoughts
I want to carry that weight so you can see the daylight
My time won't stack up as against the past but...

I wish for a chance to see what years will bear
My love is something I won't give so freely
But I miss you now, only a day in, it's sort of sad
I want to feel that hurt, I want to know it well

To say I'm yours, I would give it all
To sleep through these cold nights
I'd give up my head and the words within
Just to say I had a chance to know you more

Winter (I'm doing this for you) Part 1

Winter: Preface

Three days in the new winter and still I want more
To sleep forever beside you, I keep my hopes up despite fear

You make me want to sing, even though I'm tone deaf
The way you kiss me neck is how I disarm
The way your eyes still see the real me
When you say I love you, I hear the joy and fear

The first day of the new week and I'm scare more than before
That our last nights have gone, I feel the weight of time

Till I see you again, I'll still whisper my love



Winter: Solace

Been through the muck a hundred times
And felt like drowning once or twice
A heart use to uncertainties in between
But I've never given up, still fighting
I still rise to the occasion and fall right beneath
With high hopes that a journey does eventually end

I never asked for more
To end this uphill war
Where my knees have bruised
Just so I won't hear I lose
Until I run out of things to do
I'll still struggle to hear "I love you"

Stared at others in lover's bliss
Awe struck with envy and sick
Their smiles and the laughter built
Wishing I could feel that one day
I still do my damned best, I always will
With high hopes that a journey does eventually end

I never asked for more
To end this uphill war
Where my chest is beaten in
Just so I know that I will win
A love that you hold for me in your heart
Just waiting for this whole thing to start

I miss you now
Even before you wake
Waiting on your call
To say I'm yours
So here's my chance
To show you meant more
Than any words I could bear
So I can lay here till dawn
And stay sleeping with you
till the winter is over

Hope(Less)

Well there's a darkness deep down in my heart
It's bled out one too many times

There's a place where I have gone before
And I fear it's come back for the worst

That place where hopelessness calls home


Well there's been a happiness that came to me
One I thought I was certain would stick

You were mine for such a short time
Then you were taken away before the start

Someone who didn't make me shudder


Well there's a thought that has crossed my mind
To let myself die and become someone else

Then maybe the nights wouldn't seem so long
With hope that I won't remember who I was

But hope is a hard thing to have faith in these days

A Few Poems to Tide You Over Dear Reader

Note: I assure you that this short story is coming. Due to some hiccups and a few more edits I found in revising it, it'll hopefully be done by mid next week. So to help tide over you dear reader, here are a few poems.

Autumn

Breathe me in, I'm the ghost of your better years
Dripping wet from the constant downpour
Soon the skies will clear and the cold will set in
Light your fires down underneath your belly
Let me be that warmth that self assures you
Make me wish I could stay here longer than expected
Seek out that way closer to where your head lay down


Eden

I'll show you to the garden where our flowers bloom and we whisper secrets of happier days gone away
Don't avert your eyes or stray from the path, their intent is to lead you astray with shame
I will be your firefly, light your way through the brush and darkness to taste the sweet fruit
In that place I'll show you joy beyond others, build you a home within, standing tall as trees
Rest your head on my shoulder, dream of somewhere far
I'll be your eternity and you'll stay asleep


Burned Out Again

I've had the worst nights in a long time
Tossing and turning in my bed
Sweat accumulating beneath my back
I count the ticks from my ceiling fan
One, two and three more seconds till I snap

I'll write some sappy poem and you'll eat it up
The joke is over, I'm not cut out for this

My days are numbered but they drag on
Twisting and restless in my office chair
I'll jumpy at every single thing
I stare at the clock on my screen
One, two and three more minutes till I snap

Oh I don't mean to worry you
My body just hates me sometimes
My mind just wants to commit suicide
My psyche just is sick of all my bullshit

I'm pretty sure I've run out of ideas
Struggling and frustrated, my pen bends in my hand
The ink spreading by the side of my palm
One, two and three another poem lost to luck


A Light

Somewhere I hear her sing
The piano keys falling gently
Stormy weather pouring outside
Her voice breaks through thunder
It beckons her sweet bliss
A cat crawls onto her lap
There it sits and slumbers
The light from the lighthouse
Glowing and warning of shore
Her fingers tire as the song slows
But her voice still shines
The storm calms and dies
A new day to greet
Spirits calm and rise
They call out for guidance
Lost and confused
Her touch is gentle
So they call out to her
A voice so sweet and beautiful
They would be led home
A lighthouse in the darkness
Her voice whispers till the light is out


Come Back

With every thing I share to the world
My words written on several hundred pages
Every time I post it to see
My heart stops a second
I hold my breath and don't bother to restart
Now I'm finding my words fail and repeat themselves
I use to seem so steady but in truth
My hands are always shaking
My mind is always racing
And everyday is a struggle to wake up in strength
To keep myself from an early grave
I'm not sure if there's a heaven but I wish for a better place
Because where I am at is a hell
No I cannot sing because I'm tone deaf
No I can't be happy when I hate myself
No I won't make promises when I don't know what I want
I went away to find myself and I still haven't come back
No I haven't come back
No I haven't come back
No I haven't come back
No I haven't come back
So maybe God is a little silent, because maybe he's not talking to me
But even after my words fail, I'll keep writing
I promise I'll keep writing
I promise I'll keep writing
I promise I'll keep writing
I promise I'll keep writing
writing of something better